By @BoldSymmetry updated 10:06 PM EST, Sat Mar 1, 2014
Come on guys, need we see more? Really makes you Wonder as to the truth about Stevie’s supposed “blindness,” doesn’t it? Sure, you’re supposed to see some gains in other senses after you’ve lost your vision, think Ben Affleck (as documented in Daredevil), but enough to react within seconds and catch an extremely thin falling pole? Enough to find all those keys on a piano, and even the small black ones? The man wears sunglasses. What are those used for, keeping the sun off his non-functioning eyes? Get a grip, whodie! I credit CNN and the few other notable news outlets that were willing to break such a risky and stigmatic story. This article is merely a further development of previously established findings, including additional support for the claim that has come as a result of crowdsourced Internet scouring. Stevie Wonder, We Just Called To Say We Caught You!
According to legend, Wonder’s “condition” came as a result of a six-week premature birth and the excessively oxygen rich atmosphere in the incubator at the hospital where he was born. Considering recent news, it now seems the only thing being incubated here was a capital-see Conspiracy, a campaign of propaganda meant to propel an undeniably talented artist (we don’t deny that) to an unparalleled level of success, a story of overcoming that, while inspiring, had been manufactured in greed. After 53+ years of successful hoaxing on behalf of Wonder, and the Motown/Tamla record companies that originally propagated it, some new light is being shed. Is the video above alone not proof enough of the wool that has been pulled over our eyes as to the truth about Wonder’s vision? It is clear Wonder is reacting in a manner only a sighted man could.
Perhaps the remarks of certified forensic video analyst (CFVA) Makaia Ransom will further convince you of the validity of what the video demonstrates. Ransom confirms in the comments section as recently as February 14, 2014, “Oh snap he reached out for it.” This sentiment is also endorsed by leading FBI official Charles Bradley, who states on the matter, “O by the way #Stevieaintblind.” Take a look at the complete performance for what happens after the catch (1:19:00):
Wonder abruptly stops clapping to the beat for the first time in the performance, realizing his blunder. He then nudges Herbie Hancock beside him who, if anyone, may be knowledgeable of the hoax (Hancock had already tried to make it seem as if he caught the stand himself). The nudge seems to be Wonder’s way of saying, “Whoops! Almost fucked up big time my nigga! ” Additional evidence is provided by Mensa member and self-proclaimed “gangster of love” Bomani Jones in the two videos posted below:
Jones adds to the argument for Wonder’s sightedness, among other great points, the issues reiterated here:
- Wonder would run around playing pranks on adults with no assistance as a child. How?
- Wonder’s lyrics frequently reference imagery, colors and experiences that would have required vision, despite his being blind since birth! Strange, huh?
- Stevie sits courtside at NBA games, trying to get the best view of the court, though he should have no view of the court. How could a spectator sport be fun for a blind guy?
Don’t believe any of the evidence just yet? How about some anecdotes from music industry insiders? Here’s an anecdote from Dylan of Diddy’s Da Band, who claims that Stevie Wonder, who was again inexplicably at an NBA All-Star game, was able to identify him from a distance in a crowded arena:
And a statement from none other than Boy George of Culture Club fame, as recounted by English forumer Kard (Holla Back Boy) of the renowned GovTeen Global Community:
I watched an interview with Boy George a few months back, and he reckons [Stevie Wonder]’s not completly blind since Stevie Wonder once came over and playfully strangled him at a party once, and Boy George was like; ‘how could he know where I was if he’s completly blind?’
[The original source of this secondary account of secondary source evidence can be found here, anda we can assure you that we are reporters of the highest caliber, holding standards of source verification to be of utmost importance. Be assured of the accuracy of our three-times removed report as it tells exactly what Holla Back Boy claims to have seen Boy George tell an unknown interviewer about a drunken memory of his in which Wonder definitely was maybe able to use his eyes at that party they were at. The hoax is real.]
It is important to acknowledge that this report not only suggests Wonder continued sightedness, but also his use of vision for violence and bigotry in strangulation of an openly, and some may say flamboyantly, homosexual man. The idea that Wonder is “like not completly blind” has been further corroborated by certified Yahoo! Answers reporter aflkdsj l. In a report from 2007, aflkdsj l’s work with a music expert referred to only as “my music teacher” yielded similar findings. The report was met with similar backlash due to aflkdsj l’s radical nature of questioning. The music teacher in question has, however, confirmed that Wonder does require corrective lenses, only a slight redress for his treachery as this hoax has been far more consequential than any other recorded instance of hyperbole.
Ultimately, Wonder appears to be rubbing the success of the hoax in our faces, what with his frequent NBA outings, and more recently with public bus-driving and taxi-driving antics. [Alright, we will admit that the reputability of the outsourced investigator looking into Wonder’s taxi-driving allegations, sh4rkybloke, seems to be questionable. He seems to be one of those asshats that rides his bike around with a camera on his stupid fuckin’ head, looking for car accidents. But, other than that, you can be assured, all of the rest of our sources are 100% trustworthy sources.] This leads us to our final question.
What are the ramifications of the Stevie Wonder Blind Hoax, perhaps the greatest hoax of all time? Does the man celebrated for over half a century for his musical talent in the face of adversity have his legacy revoked when that adversity is revealed as fraud? Is Part-Time Lover any less of a musical feat if its creator was a Part-Time See-er? The answers to these questions remain up for debate. We encourage you to share your take on the issue, to ask questions, and to demand answers of Wonder and his team! As for our take, well, first, man is Ray Charles lookin’ good right about now. We feel it is now difficult to refute Wonder’s deceit was anything short of very super vicious, and as for Wonder’s future in the entertainment industry, “the writing’s on the wall.”
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